It’s fairly widely
accepted now that children who have healthy contact with both parents after
separation or divorce do better than those in sole custody of one
parent. Research shows they are better adjusted physically,
psychologically, and socially with peers and at school - and shared parenting
is the key to this outcome.
Therefore the way in
which custody and access are handled in the process of a
relationship breakdown has a huge effect on the outcome for
children. Three of the key factors which affect children psychologically
when their parents’ relationship breaks down are:
1. The exposure to
conflict
2. Contact with the
other parent after divorce or separation
3. Contact with their
extended family – including grandparents.
We are all too aware
of how difficult and painful the process of separation or divorce is for
parents, but it is vital to ensure that children’s needs and interests are
protected throughout and beyond the process.
Tips for Child
Focussed Access
If you are in the
process of separation or divorce, here’s what you should be thinking about from
the outset:
·
Think
from the child’s perspective if possible, and try to work out a plan that best
suits their interests, needs, and schedules.
·
Children
benefit from routine and consistency – try to work out a clear plan with
defined times and days when they see and have meaningful access with the other
parent. This is especially important for younger children
·
Also for
younger children, put an access calendar on the fridge or somewhere visible in
the house – it gives a huge sense of security to the child and removes doubts
·
Include
overnight access if at all possible, and make the child’s second bedroom and
home a “home from home”. Let the child be involved in decorating the room,
choosing furnishings etc.
·
Talk to
each other in a civil manner and show the child that you and your partner can
get along with each other and still talk and discuss issues and make decisions
about the child together – show the child that you are still both active
parents in his/her life.
·
Keep
photographs of the other parents in visible parts of the home, for the child’s
sake. These don’t have to be photographs of you and your ex-partner, but
photographs of the child with the parent. This shows that you have not changed
that parent/child relationship.
·
Support
each other in matters of discipline
·
Where
children are old enough, ask their views and involve them in the decision
making about access.
·
Remember
that as children get older, access will change and should be adapted
Supervised access Ireland (SAI) provides a multidisciplinary
access and family mediation service nationwide.
For further info contact us on:
call us on 01 4429857 / 087 2853472
See our web page www.supervisedaccessireland.com
