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Tips for Child Focussed Access

If you are in the process of separation or divorce, here’s what you should be thinking about from the outset:

·         Think from the child’s perspective if possible, and try to work out a plan that best suits their interests, needs, and schedules.

·         Children benefit from routine and consistency – try to work out a clear plan with defined times and days when they see and have meaningful access with the other parent. This is especially important for younger children

·         Also for younger children, put an access calendar on the fridge or somewhere visible in the house – it gives a huge sense of security to the child and removes doubts

·         Include overnight access if at all possible, and make the child’s second bedroom and home a “home from home”. Let the child be involved in decorating the room, choosing furnishings etc.

·         Talk to each other in a civil manner and show the child that you and your partner can get along with each other and still talk and discuss issues and make decisions about the child together – show the child that you are still both active parents in his/her life.

·         Keep photographs of the other parents in visible parts of the home, for the child’s sake. These don’t have to be photographs of you and your ex-partner, but photographs of the child with the parent. This shows that you have not changed that parent/child relationship.

·         Support each other in matters of discipline

·         Where children are old enough, ask their views and involve them in the decision making about access.

·         Remember that as children get older, access will change and should be adapted

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